Good bye Rome

When the plane took off I could see the sea. It was dark green in the middle. Then it was more and more light green to become almost gray / yellow when close to the beach.
It was nice, I did look like a child looking out of the window.
And I think I have been able to see Fregene as well. Do you remember that night? It has been special, right? We have been sitting outside in that restaurant, looking to the planes leaving from the airport at night. I did not tell you at that time but my dream was to take one with you and fly away, to a new world where we could be only the two of us.
I miss that night. And I miss the feeling that sometimes I have been able to fell with you. Like if the rest of the world could not understand what was between us.
But at some point we entered in the clouds and I could not see the sea. Not anymore. Everything white and useless.

You said I did not give the last chance. I gave you tons of chances and you have always refused them.
I am pretty sure you will see him tonight. I am pretty sure you kept making love with him in the past months.
You know how holy is the fact of making love for me. And I could feel you were with him. I could also see it from time to time. And how could you ask me to make love with you in such a scenario.
Did you understand so little of my soul? Why you kept asking to make love without giving the whole of you? You knew it was important to me, you knew it was not just a matter of sex and you kept predending that everything was perfect and cool.
How can you expect myself to make love with you if you are not mine?

And you know what? I am really sorry. I put all of my chips on this story. All that I have got. And I have lost. Not in one shot, I kept playing and slowly I have lost all of my chips.
I might go to Las Vegas and try to be lucky at least there.
Sometimes I ask myself what is logic. What is true. What is real. And I can not clearly see the whole story, everything appear fuzzy.

And now I am kind of cold. And you complained about it. Yes - I have not been clear in the last three weeks before we broke. But you could see it was not the same as before. You could see that I was disappointed, tired and far away with my mind.
And, think about it, you have never shown yourself here for what you are? Are you real? Are you reading this or have you already started deleting me?
Are you brave enough to tell the world who you are? If you are really alone, with nothing to lose, you can do it. But I am not sure this is the case with you.

I have never existed for anyone else outside of your mind. I was a secret, something to hide, something to be taken at small pieces but not too much. Something that you could not show because I was not what your small world expected by you.

I have been brave. I have destroyed two world to be with you.
You kept your world and you have built a parallel world just for me. And, sorry, but I don't give a damn of just a parallel world. I wanted the whole of you. And that night, in Milan, the first night, it has been a piece of magic world.

But once again, someone else was better than me. Even if the sex was great, despite my kindness, despite the time spent listening to what your heart wanted to tell me, despite I was "the only one who could understand who you are'.

Take care, sweet dream of two letters.
I will survive. I have to.

Noodles.
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Sent from a tiny keyboard
Please ignore typos unless they are funny