A damn new swing

"Forse il vero amore vuol restare grande
preferisce chiudersi e morire
in un colpo invece che appassire
ma non puoi accettarlo
se ne sei coinvolto tu
corri fuori a cercarlo
oppure non voltarti più"

"Maybe the real love wants to remain great.
It would prefer to suddenly finish
and die instead of withering.
But you can not accept it
if you are in the middle,
either you run to look for it
or you never look back"

It took long months and a great bottle of champagne. I needed the feeling of the rain falling down over my skin to wake me up. In a night that was supposed to be full of stars and fun. Walking from my car to my house in the day of my 32th birthday.

She was right...
"I burn my candle at both ends,
It will not last the night.
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends,
It gives a lovely light."
She was right and she won. She has been able to live in the magic of keeping two things together, like a tightrope walker. She kept the important candle in a safe place and she decided to burn the cool one as quick as possible.
And I don't buy anything about "I will regret this forever". Bullshit. You are in a damn safe place. You are not alone questioning what went wrong. You did not spent not even one day alone, you have kept all the best. And from time to time you felt wrong, I guess it was your conscience.
But it is not your fault. It is mine. I am the one so stupid to think that when something appears so huge you need to follow it. You need to run, expose yourself and all of those stupid things. Bullshit. You just need to cover your ass and you will be always ok. Maybe not happy, maybe not great, maybe average. But fucking ok.
Dreamers are meant to feel the pain, to spend the night of their birtyday crying because things are not as they imagined. Real people do not care, they make real the sentence "I do not believe in good or wrong decisions. I take decisions, I made them right".
I hope, for you, that you never wake up.

Cristina

Cristina looks like a devil on earth. She has something in the way she looks that can not be neglected.
She is not sweet, she is not kind. She has a red bow in her hairs that seems to behave like call to her.
The music is loud. Cristina goes close to him and start asking strange questions. She is hot, she is like a devil. She sings on his ears to let him feel the sound her voice and the sexy sigh of her breath.
The music get louder. The third Lagavulin makes everything more simple. She start being more adventurous, touching him and establishing a phisical contact. The music is always loud and everything is moving around him.
Thankfully his friend is gonna pay the bill, he is in another world right now. It is a world that keeps moving. Everything is hot, strange and insane. In a second of lucidity he realize he is falling down in a place he has never been.
She keep touching his body and his head. She is telling something he can not understand as he is focusing only on her lips.
"I do want you. Now. Come with me."
The staircase is dark and terribly warm. He has no clue where he is, she is taking him to hell and he does not know how to keep away from there. I tought the hell was down on earth, why are we climbing?
One of the glasses of the window is broken. He can't help looking outside. There is a strange flame far away. He can see it burning. Burning what? His soul, his respect, his dreams?
"There is a flame over there!"
"Nothing is there - come with me!"
"There is a...."
She kind of wake him up and they keep climbing the stairs.
"Where are we?"
"This is my flat - do you like it?"
The orgasm arrived very late for both. And it has been like a slap on his face. Like a dive in a cold pool.
Walking down, the glass is still broken. But the flame is not there anymore. "Where is the flame?" - "There is no flame darling" - "Are you kidding?".
She open the door, he has to leave. "I have asked you to come for sex - you have been taking care of me".
"No I did not".
"Yes you did. You kept stroking me even after. But you are not meant for this - you did look like being somewhere else."
"I don't know - can you call a taxi please, I can't walk"
"FIND A GIRL. NOT A BEAUTIFUL ONE, A KIND ONE. Beautiful is easy, kind is hard. Beauty will disappear, kindness will remain."
"Are we...."
"No we are not. You do not need me, you want something different."

Does the devil speak on behalf of your soul, from time to time?

Sweet crazyness in Florence

Miss D is sitting in an elegant chair in the breakfast room of a nice hotel in Florence.
She has the face of anyone in the early morning, looking somewhere but paying attention to nothing.
From time to time she looks around, spreading a nice light everywhere. For the rest of the time she think to something hidden in her secret world.

Miss D is young. Blond hair. Sweet and very regular face. Brillant eyes and stunning smile and attitude.
A colleague of her is talking about something I do not remember and the two ladies are keeping a nice conversation about something she will not remember in a couple of hours. She looks different, at least for a dozen of minutes, from anyone else in the room.

I have found the courage to look at the room key. I have the room number.
The lady at the reception seems to understand everything when I give her an envelope with a short hand-written letter. She looks like the one who has seen this happens relatively often.
The letter is inspiring and full of some kind of poetry I found somewhere inside of me. And she appreciate it.
She texted me, kind of accepting my offer for a drink. I made her smile. I made her feel special at least for a second.

And now, how can I keep expectations so high? I might just text her asking for a drink and stop everything here. Is would be safer, at least for me.
But from time to time having a small dream, focused on now only and without big expectations, makes you feel alive.

Noodles
--
Sent from a tiny keyboard
Please ignore typos unless they are funny

Still in my heart

"E' per te questo bacio nel vento
Te lo manderò li con almeno altri cento
é per te forse non sará molto
La tua storia lo so meritava piú ascolto
E magari chi sa se io avessi saputo
Avrei dato un aiuto
Ma che importa oramai? Ora che...

Puoi prendere per la coda una cometa
E girando per l'universo te ne vai
Puoi raggiungere forse adesso la tua meta
Quel mondo diverso che non trovavi mai
Solo che non doveva andar cosi
Solo che tutti siamo un po' più soli qui

E' per te questo fiore che ho scelto
Te lo lasceró lí sotto un cielo coperto
Mentre guardó lassu sta passando novembre
E tu hai vent'anni per sempre"

I think this song has been written for someone who is not in this world anymore.
Of course this is not your case but this song is your song. This song is our song and every time I listen to it I can help crying going back to that wonderful time we have spent together.
This song arrived in our life half an hour before saying good bye. It was written in a wall in a bar and I will never forget your face looking at me while writing it down. You told me "do you know the song?". I did but at that point I could not remember it.
And after a few minutes we told good bye. It has been short and very strong and please, please, believe me. It has been real.
Maybe we are not meant to it. But for the short time, I was happy. I realized just after what kind of gift I got from the Universe.
We might meet other people and probably we will get married to someone else. One day. But inside my heart, in the deep of my heart, I know what kind of magic we lived together and this is not something easy to forget. And I do not want to.

And now, months later, I find myself in a plane crying because the feeling is so strong. And I am grateful, because you did show to me that beauty can be just around the corned. If you just let it to hit you. If you just look.

I told you "te quiero" under that wonderful sky full of stars. It was true. And please don't forget it. Never.
I won't either.

Have a wonderful life and reach all of your dreams. I will take care of you, even if from far away probably.
--
Sent from a tiny keyboard
Please ignore typos unless they are funny

Lady Lagavulin

Lady Lagavulin is amazing.
She is tall, with high heels and long legs.
She is 10cm taller than myself wihtout shoes. But more than anything else, she has two wonderful, brillant, amazing blue eyes.
Her smile can bring you to the deep or heaven in a second if she decides to.

She is with an insignificant, stupid and rude young guy.
She looks at him with a glance full of love. He is really ugly.

From the first glass of wine to the last glass of Lagavulin she kept getting better and better. He kept getting worst and worst.
But at the end he wins. He can spend a night with a diamond. He might not notice how she is pure and rare. But he wins anyway.
Fuck!

(Noodles after a long and full-of-wine dinner. Nice restaurant, sad thoughts)

Thought of the day

Sometimes people have a dream.
And sometimes this dream is bigger than being with someone - even if this someone is great.
If you are this specific someone, you have to respect the dream first.
--
Sent from a tiny keyboard
Please ignore typos unless they are funny

A red dress fading in distant lights

The lady with the red dress arrived in a sunny and warm day of June.
The lady with the red dress left in a foggy and cold night of December end.

I tought being far away one from the other was a way to keep everything hibernated. I have been so stupid.
I kind of kept myself in the same position, closing my eyes to not see the reality.
She is kind, nice and beautiful as she has always been. She is 10 years younger than me but tonight she looked like the experienced one.
"I would do again everything I did back in July. But not now. In a week I will leave again, I can not afford to suffer as I did in August and September"
Not a single kiss. But she did smell the same as in July. Her eyes were perfect and so full of lights as they used to be. Her body was an amazing symphony of tendreness.

She arrived in my life like a shooting star. She has left a trail of magic behind her. And everything she brought to my life is like a white gift. I am thankfull for every moment I have spent with her and every word she brought to my mind.
She almost litterally saved me in July. I was broken in 157 pieces, she sorted out all of the pieces and put the plate together again.
Tonight, since she is so incredibly sweet and sensitive, she reminded me that she did a big job to put the pieces together and I should not allow anyone - not even her - to break the plate again.

The plate is there. Yes, it is a sad plate, but it is complete. And it is complete just because of her.
Someone told me that she is my soulmate. And being a soulmate of someones does not mean you are meant to be together.
For sure she has been able to see very very deep into myself. And for some unknown reason I did allow her to enter so deep.
And, hard to beliave I know, but I am happy I did. Because she did not go in the middle with dirty boots trying to destroy everything. She went there flying, stroking everything she could find, taking care of everything, filling holes and putting together pieces when needed. And I only have to thank for her presence.

She is much more far-sighted than me. She look beyond tomorrow and decides for the best. I just miss her lips so much. I just miss the way she laugh, the way she talks, the way she spend 10 minutes just to decide what she would like to have for dinner.
The way she looks at me when I say something naugthy and she wants to calm me down.
The way she is able to make me feel protected.
The way she is able to make me feel CLEAN.
I miss her, all together.

The plate is there because of you. Please never doubt this. Never. And "hate" is not a word I can associate to you. Never. I understand your point, just allow me to me sad.
I hope to see you soon before you leave again for the other part of the world.
In one way or the other, I am yours. Maybe not as we tought a few months ago but I am yours. And not for a joke.