"Forse il vero amore vuol restare grande
preferisce chiudersi e morire
in un colpo invece che appassire
ma non puoi accettarlo
se ne sei coinvolto tu
corri fuori a cercarlo
oppure non voltarti più"
"Maybe the real love wants to remain great.
It would prefer to suddenly finish
and die instead of withering.
But you can not accept it
if you are in the middle,
either you run to look for it
or you never look back"
It took long months and a great bottle of champagne. I needed the feeling of the rain falling down over my skin to wake me up. In a night that was supposed to be full of stars and fun. Walking from my car to my house in the day of my 32th birthday.
She was right...
"I burn my candle at both ends,
It will not last the night.
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends,
It gives a lovely light."
She was right and she won. She has been able to live in the magic of keeping two things together, like a tightrope walker. She kept the important candle in a safe place and she decided to burn the cool one as quick as possible.
And I don't buy anything about "I will regret this forever". Bullshit. You are in a damn safe place. You are not alone questioning what went wrong. You did not spent not even one day alone, you have kept all the best. And from time to time you felt wrong, I guess it was your conscience.
But it is not your fault. It is mine. I am the one so stupid to think that when something appears so huge you need to follow it. You need to run, expose yourself and all of those stupid things. Bullshit. You just need to cover your ass and you will be always ok. Maybe not happy, maybe not great, maybe average. But fucking ok.
Dreamers are meant to feel the pain, to spend the night of their birtyday crying because things are not as they imagined. Real people do not care, they make real the sentence "I do not believe in good or wrong decisions. I take decisions, I made them right".
I hope, for you, that you never wake up.
